IT’S BETTER TO BE A WOMAN
So back when this topic was decided, it seemed like it would be much easier to make a case for why it is better to be a woman than a man. Then I got to thinking: Someone (Kelsey) saddled me with the responsibility to write about how it’s better or easier to be a woman in the midst of the largest women’s rights movement in about 100 years.
So, is it easier to be a woman? You better believe it is because that’s the position I’m arguing. Like a typical man, this is my story and I’m sticking to it.
So let’s start there. It’s easier to be a woman because women win all arguments. Oh, sure fellas, you might think you’ve won something—you haven’t. Any victory is short-lived and intentionally allowed until the precisely perfect time to resume. Do women read Sun Tzu’s “Art of War” in the womb?
Ever hear of a little something called … “Ladies’ Night?” There isn’t a guys’ night. Drinks are never half-priced for men. Way back when knuckle-dragging cavemen went to the local watering hole, bar owners then knew if they offered discounted drinks to ladies on a slower night (oh, say, Wednesdays), women would come in and men would follow.
Have you ever heard a woman complain about catching anything important in her zipper? This is a steel trap of death we have to account for several times a day.
Women can hug one another in public. Society has cast men in such a light you will never see us publicly hug one another.
And I’m pretty sure buried in some strand of DNA there is a style gene women get and men do not. Men can spend two hours trying to match a shirt, tie and suit, and it still looks like something a clown should wear. Women have this magical style vision. They can perch themselves atop the escalator, look out over the men’s department and in 30 seconds find the right shirt, with the perfect tie to match the suit.
Men are stuck with the way we look. We can shower and prim and prep all we want, but at the end of the 15 minutes it takes us to get ready, what you see in the mirror is what you get. Women have makeup, and they know how to use it. A woman can make herself look better with a fresh coat of lipstick.
How many teenage boys do you see folks hiring as a babysitter? Exactly.
Women never have to worry about leaving the seat up, either. And while we’re on this subject, women don’t have to worry about their aim in the middle of the night when
Oh, and let’s not even get started on child birth. How in the world are men supposed to top that?! Women are responsible for the population of earth—kind of a big responsibility—and men get to play some role in it. Frankly if men were responsible for making more of us, there would be less of us.
IT’S BETTER TO BE A MAN
In the animal kingdom, it’s usually the male who is adorned with special feathers, patterns or colors to attract the female. The female is the one who gets to choose whether the male is worthy. Why are humans so different?
Why do we women have to be the ones who plaster our faces with makeup, style our hair in all kinds of beautiful and complicated ways and wear trendy clothing? I know we don’t have to, but if you’re in your late 20s or early 30s and you want to reproduce (the usual way), you’d better be doing something to attract a man. That’s why I’m arguing that it’s better to be a man.
Not only do men get out of wearing—and paying for—makeup, accessories and hair treatments, but they’re not as stigmatized if they have gray hair or wrinkles. And they can wake up, jump out of bed and head straight to the store without getting any discriminating glares.
And men can pee essentially anywhere. Out in the woods before a run, while camping, in a dirty gas station bathroom. No need to sit down, worry about squatting or applying toilet seat covers or copious sheets of toilet paper.
Speaking of the restroom. Men aren’t bogged down once a month with the pain and suffering of periods, cramps and PMS, not to mention hormonal acne or hormonal headaches for those of us who have to endure this every single month.
And the real kicker. After months and months and years and years of the unfriendly visits from Aunt Flo, menopause rears its ugly head with mood swings, hot flashes and complete irritability. I’m pretty young to be thinking about it, but I know it’s coming.
And my male counterparts will never have to experience any of that—or childbirth, which in itself is a terrifying thing to think about. Pushing a baby out of your body doesn’t sound fun to anyone. Some women choose not to bear children, but then periods and buying feminine products seem completely unfair. But it is completely unfair that we have to pay for those anyway. It’s not like we chose to be women.
I could ramble on for a while on that topic, but I digress. On a more serious note, being a woman is scary. Running alone on a trail, walking alone to your car at night or just living alone can feel frightening. What was that sound? Was it someone getting ready to attack or just an animal scurrying by? Men don’t have to worry about these situations nearly as much as women do.
On the topic of worrying and mind trickery, think about all the drama that goes along with being a woman. Men don’t seem to overanalyze what a comment by a friend really meant. They just deal with their beef up front and in the open without any mind games and confusing disses.
I’ll end with one last, big reason why it’s better to be a man: The pay. Men often are paid more than women to do the same job. It’s not fair. And it doesn’t seem to be changing any time soon.
I could go on and on, but there’s only so much space so I’ll leave it at that.
We’re staying mum this month.
Both Todd and Kelsey made valid points but it’s downright sexist to choose one sex over the other. We’ll let you choose which you agree with more.